Link to 3 ways to start a conversation video: https://goo.gl/a58xcW
The BIGGEST Mistake People Make In Dating
There is one thing that ruins more relationships than any others. And while the examples I give are from my own life, this is true for men and women, straight, gay, it doesn't matter.
That thing is neediness. It often looks like obsessiveness, meaning you start imagining what it would be be boyfriend and girlfriend after one encounter, discussing kid names, giving larges gifts, talking to them about your future together in early dates, or when you spend all day thinking about why they didn’t get back to that text you sent. And it’s repulsive. And it’s the biggest thing that messes it up right after you meet someone you really like.
And I want to give you three simple things and one harder thing that you can do to fight neediness - because if you’ve got it, it can kill a relationship before it begins. Trust me, I’ve experienced it plenty of times. Keep in mind this specific advice is for early in a relationship
0:51 Trying to contact them every single day
2:37 Pleading when they can't meet up
3:55 Changing your schedule to fit theirs
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This might seem a bit odd, but the reason why I have problems dating someone is because I have way too much free time. There is like a 1% chance that a girl would like to meet with me on a particular day and I wouldn't have time for her. Which is frustrating. Everyone around me seems so busy with their lives and I am like "hey, I've got my 8 hours after work everyday, who thinks I am cool?". I hate it. I hate myself for having so little interests. On top of that I like to spend a lot of time alone, but how do you explain that to someone?
"Let's meet on Wednesday"
"Sorry, I can't."
"Because I like to be alone and do nothing on Wednesdays."
I don't want to make up things just to make the impression that I am also busy. Because I am really not. It all goes down to the fact that I am unable to find any hobbies I guess. Screw my boring life.
Oh wow!!! Had I seen this video like 3 months ago.
I just fucked up the relationship I had with this girl, the more wonderful, fun and sexiest girl ever because for once in my life, I fell in such a way that I was the one that was actuall needy one :(
All that those mistakes you said... I've done'em.
In the end she told me, I just don't like you there way you like me and thus I am not comfortable with keeping our relationship this way.
Dude.. love is unfair. I'll stick with your advice for this new girl I am seeing now.
dude... just stop playing games. be yourself. when you finally win the girl by faking it, trust me, it will be more messy. you'll be forced to fake it until you crumble and the whole relationship crumbles. so what if a person is needy? so what if a person is accommodating to someone's available time? come on. there's nothing wrong with those things. the right one will like those things about you. might be hard to meet them but trust me, it will be worth it.
I just think much of the dating world is all due to a lack of clear cut communication! Since hitting my 30's, I'm done with all these games, I just tell them, I like you 1,2 and 3 do you feel the same? Yes/no, the right person will feel relieved. Clinginess is annoying, especially if I haven't decided if I like them.
Your first tip was proven very true for me. Except the relationship went on for two years. But when it ended — badly — I found that, because I had redefined many of my pleasures in life as being filtered through her (I'm an artist; she is as well) , my connection to my work, through which I get a huge portion of my pleasure in life, had completely disappeared. Which left me in a very bad state. Many months later, I'm still slowly reconnecting the wires. Oy vey. Thus... your point is well taken. Great work. Best of luck to you!
Even though these are true you aren't considering that you are needy when the other person isn't that interested in you. Putting me on the defense, for example, if a cute girl I really like was needy, that wouldn't ruin our relationship. I would tell her that I need some space etc but that's about it. I used to be very needy but this didn't ruin the real friendships I had. But still it was annoying so I eventually fixed it.
Aw I can tell you're a sweet guy. I'm sorry to hear you had to figure all these things the hard way (like I did). Its a shame we all cant just be honest about how we feel with people we like. So many games to navigate. Still appreciate your videos. Hopefully it will help honest sweet people like us avoid being taken advantage of by selfish jerks.
From my perspective as a young woman saying "you know you want to" is an instant giant red flag. It makes it sounds like that person thinks they know what you want better than you do. It sounds very narsasistic even if it wasn't intended that way. A good response would to throw in a compliment depending on the girl you can tease her about being miss popular and say you'll catch her later.
I am 29 and have been dating for 15 years. I have had alot of success. but somehow I do something that messes it up or the other person is just so insecure. it happens every time. I have tried everything. its now at the point where I cant respect myself because I wanna give up on this idea of "love".
I remember I was on the receiving end in uni. There was a guy who always messaged me and wanted to hang out, I was oblivious and went along with it for a while until the his neediness got annoying and I ended up running away. Clinginess is really annoying for anyone
I've only ever ended up in a relationship with people Ive been exposed to over a long period of time. That means I've had 4 relationships and 3 were coworkers. Gotta stop with the coworkers but idk how to meet people any other way. Def not throwing myself to the wolves on a dating app.
Not being attractive is the biggest mistake a guy can make when it comes to dating. For so long I was trying to get a girl to date me when I was unattractive. Thankfully one of my friends told me this was the wrong approach and so I tried being attractive the next time I asked a girl out and she said yes. Guys, just be attractive, it worked for me.
i've already figured out a lot of these things from watching a tonne of other relationship advice videos and know that i did pretty much all of these and it really did kill our relationship. Discovered I have an anxious attachment style and that its something i can slowly work on. Its also something a lot of people learn naturally over the course of many failed/attempted relationships but I didn't really start dating until my mid to late 20's and only really had 2 "relationships" so whilst im at the age where i should "have figured all this stuff out by now" I'm really far behind the curve and have no idea what im supposed to do.
hoping that the next time I get to try I've "fixed" a lot of these issues and can make things work a bit better.
If you’re needy by nature the cure for you is dating multiple people at the same time, that s way you’ll spread the neediness and that way your neediness with never be on one person, it’ll be spread out lol trust me it works! Never focus on one person early on on one person!!!!!
This is good advice for all kinds of relationships, I've never dated, but I've had friendships that have had the aspects of all three of these. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it was the other person, but they don't just happen in dating.
Dating gets a lot harder when you work full-time, it's like just finding time to meet up is this grand production. Especially if you and your date have different work schedules. Kinda forces me not to be super needy.
So is he supposed to just never mention the fact that some women and gays might watch his videos? You anti-SJW cultists are a bunch of sensitive little snowflakes, so much so that you make SJWs seem reasonable.
Flaking on friends to meet please your partner is my #1 pet peeve with friend who are in a relationship. I tell those people to just let me know when they want to do something and I stop being the one who invites them. When they feel left out, I tell them it's because they are not reliable.
Okay. Here’s an old dating rule from my mom’s time that I think applies here. When someone asks you out on a date, it needs to be three days before the date happens. So if someone asks you out on Thursday to go out Friday, it’s no go because it was only one day before the day of the date in question and therefore less than three days. What you say is that you wish you could, but that you’re busy that day. The person asking you out then respects you and your time more and will most likely ask you out in advance next time. I don’t agree with all of the old dating rules, but this one has some merit to it.
1:45 "you blew it" ...honestly, i don't know about that. she might have changed her mind about you, being nothing to do about you, and just canceled the dates because she didn't wan to take responsibility and say so.
I had a friend in high school that was interested in me and I kept trying to give him cues that I wasn't interested in him by saying I was busy and I didn't have time until I just told him I wasn't interested. Lesson learned: Some guys don't take hints. Ooor maybe I wasn't being clear enough?
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